BDSM Communication For Business: A Relational Philosophy Perspective
Communication enables us to exchange information, posit thoughts, and express feelings.
In a world where communication is supreme, there’s an array of insights to inspire from the realm of Power-Based Sexuality, BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, & Masochism) Leather, and Kink/Fetish that extend far beyond our bedrooms, bathhouses, or dungeons.
BDSM, often misunderstood or stigmatized, is a sexy subculture rooted in the principles of clear and explicit communication, setting boundaries, and obtaining enthusiastic consent. These foundational principles have the potential to empower us in business and professional relationships.
This article is just the tip of outlining how BDSM communication can foster greater agency, healthier relationships, and more connected teamwork through a Relational Philosophy lens.
With a wealth of firsthand experience as a Dom and Sex Educator for the Power-Based Sexuality Communities, I’ve cultivated expertise in this exciting yet intricate realm! My hope is that you might get curious on the overlaps of your own processes for communication in work and play. I’ll be emphasizing the importance of clear and explicit communication, setting boundaries, and obtaining enthusiastic consent.
Aftercare
To start, let's explore an example out of the Power-Based Sexuality Communities that can be adapted for use in the workplace. One concept that can be applied to enhance workplace communication is the idea of aftercare.
In BDSM, aftercare is a practice that takes place after a BDSM scene or play session. It involves providing emotional support, physical comfort, and reassurance to participants. This practice helps folks transition from an intense or vulnerable experience back to a state of emotional equilibrium. Here's how you can adapt the concept of aftercare for the workplace:
Acknowledge the Intensity of Work Situations
Just as a BDSM scene can be emotionally and physically intense, certain work situations can be highly stressful and emotionally draining. Recognize when employees or colleagues have been involved in high-stress projects, presentations, or negotiations.
Offer Supportive Conversations
After an event, project, or meeting is completed encourage open, supportive follow-up conversations to debrief. This can be a one-on-one conversation with a colleague, or it can be a team discussion. Create a safe(r) space for employees to express their thoughts and feelings about the experience. Identify where team members need support, similar to the way BDSM participants check in with each other's emotional well-being.
Physical Comfort
Offer physical comforts, such as a break, a relaxing environment, or even a cup of tea or coffee. Just as physical comfort is crucial in BDSM aftercare, providing a comfortable and safe space in the workplace can make a significant difference.
Reassurance & Encouragement
Offer words of celebration and reassurance. Let colleagues know that their efforts are valued and that their well-being is a top priority. Just as aftercare in BDSM reinforces trust and connection, workplace aftercare can strengthen trust among team members.
Learn & Adapt
Pay attention to the specific needs and preferences of your colleagues. Everyone's aftercare needs may be different. Be open to learning and adapting your aftercare approach to better support your colleagues in different situations.
By applying the concept of aftercare from the Power-Based Sexuality Community to the workplace, you can create a more supportive and empathetic environment. This specific practice can help individuals transition from high-stress work situations to a state of emotional well-being, ultimately fostering better communication, trust, and camaraderie among team members.
Contracting
I’ll take a moment to recognize the GBT2QMSM Community (Gay, Bi/Pan/M-SPEC, Trans, Two-Spirit, Queer, Men-who-have-Sex-with-Men) for in inventing Power-Based Sex contracting, “The Gay Leathermen practicing BDSM in the Pansexual Kink and Fetish Communities came up with agreements, often written down as detailed contracts signed by all parties, outlining what behaviours were in the gray zone of negotiable, what activities were soft boundaries, and which were hard, non-negotiable, red light boundaries”, (Ortman, David. Principles And Practice of Sex Therapy Sixth Edition). These contracts formalize the negotiated terms of a BDSM relationship, making explicit the roles, responsibilities, limits, and desires of all parties involved. They offer a structured framework for communication and consent, providing an additional layer of security and clarity.
Enthusiastic Consent
In this #MeToo era of increased consent awareness, enthusiastic stresses that all parties involved willingly and wholeheartedly endorse to the activities they are participating in by a clear YES. Enthusiastic consent is at the core of Kink communication. Any hesitation, doubt, or discomfort can halt the proceedings, ensuring that no one is pushed into something they do not want to do. Consent may also be withdrawn in any moment.
Translating this concept to the business world, enthusiastic consent is equally important. Encouraging employees to participate willingly, without coercion, in tasks and projects fosters a positive and inclusive work environment. By promoting this principle, individuals can feel empowered to voice their opinions, engage wholeheartedly, and contribute effectively to their teams.
Clear & Explicit Communication
Power-Based Sexuality practitioners are well-versed in the art of clear and explicit communication. Negotiating boundaries and expressing desires is not only essential but can often a ritualized practice. In Kink, partners use safe words, consent contracts, and ongoing dialogue to ensure that everyone involved is on the same page. This level of clarity leaves no room for ambiguity, misunderstanding, or miscommunication in “Risk-Aware Consensual Kink” (RACK; Pitagora, 2013), where the community developed an entire vocabulary in service to honest sexual dialogue.
In business, clear and explicit communication is equally vital. Misunderstandings can lead to conflicts, project delays, or even loss of opportunities. Embracing BDSM-style communication can empower individuals to express their needs, preferences, and expectations without fear, ultimately fostering transparency and trust in professional relationships.
Setting Boundaries
Power-Based Sex places an enormous emphasis on setting and respecting boundaries. In this context, boundaries are not only physical but also emotional and psychological. The understanding that each individual has their own limits and comfort zones is central to kinky play. Partners negotiate and consent to activities based on their personal boundaries, which can change over time.
Similarly, in business, setting and respecting boundaries is essential. Whether it's respecting personal space, or understanding when someone needs more direction or information to do their job well, requires more responsibility to feel challenged, or could use a break, this principle is crucial for fostering a productive work environment. By learning from BDSM, we can appreciate the significance of recognizing, discussing, and respecting boundaries in professional relationships.
Regroup
Power-Based Sex & Business Dynamics
Relational Philosophy in the context of PBS and Business refers to the application of philosophical principles to guide and enhance interpersonal relationships and interactions within these domains. It emphasizes the importance of clear communication, enthusiastic consent, empathy, and understanding in order to create healthy and productive relationships.
In BDSM, folks engage in various power dynamics and role-play scenarios. Here, establishing explicit agreements is essential to ensure that all parties involved have a clear understanding of their roles, boundaries, and desires. Play partners are encouraged to openly discuss their desires, limits, and boundaries, emphasizing the importance of informed and enthusiastic consent. This seeks to ensure that power-play partnerships are built on trust, respect, and the well-being of all involved.
In the world of business, successful professional relationships are built on trust, effective communication, and collaboration. It is especially relevant in scenarios such as partnerships, negotiations, and team dynamics. In this context, clear consensual agreements are essential for defining roles, responsibilities, and expectations. By making explicit agreements, teams can reduce the likelihood of misunderstandings, conflicts, and unmet expectations. This can improve overall productivity, teamwork, and the quality of working relationships. However, in business, there is also a need to acknowledge the presence of assumed expectations that can damage productivity. BDSM inspires us to have open dialogue to uncover and address these hidden expectations and assumptions.
Agreements & Expectations
Agreements are explicit, well-defined arrangements that outline the terms and conditions of a relationship or interaction. They help in establishing clear boundaries, roles, and responsibilities. In BDSM, explicit agreements might involve defining safe words, limits, and the scope of activities. In business, these could involve contracts, job descriptions, or project plans.
Expectations and assumptions, on the other hand, are often implicit and may not be openly discussed or documented. These can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts if left unaddressed. In BDSM, unspoken expectations can lead to discomfort or breach of consent. In business, unspoken assumptions can result in unmet expectations and deteriorating professional relationships.
Finding Your Agency & Speaking Confidently
To navigate both BDSM and Business Dynamics successfully, it's crucial to find your agency and speak confidently. This means:
Self-Awareness - Understand your desires, boundaries, and goals in any relationship, whether it's in a kink context or business setting. Knowing yourself is the first step in effective communication and negotiation anywhere. This can be done through journaling or speaking with a trusted friend, mentor, therapist, or coach.
Communication Tools - Learning tools and practicing them to be able to express your needs, concerns, and expectations clearly. Learning how to actively listen, ask questions, seek clarification, and share your perspective. In BDSM, this ensures informed consent, while in business, it fosters productive collaborations.
Agreements Over Assumptions - Whenever possible, strive to turn unspoken expectations into explicit agreements. This minimizes the chances of miscommunication and fosters healthier relationships.
Respect & Empathy - Treat others with respect and empathy, recognizing their agency and boundaries as well. This applies to both BDSM and business interactions.